I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
even my farts smell like vagina
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
