Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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