A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
