Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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