I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
