So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize