what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
