In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
