Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
