If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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