I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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