The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
