Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
