Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
