shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
