We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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