Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
