you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I deserve this hangover.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
