dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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