God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
