I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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