I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
