btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
