Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Text me some of your sweat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
