you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
