I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
