ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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