I think I just saw someone hide a body.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
