He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we're so committed to being not committed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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