quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
