so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
