I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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