last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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