I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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