Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
