if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
