Betty ford says i'm here all night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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