It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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