How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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