no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
