if i can run in heels then i can drive
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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