OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
