oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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