and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
