I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
