I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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