I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
