I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
