Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is wine microwaveable?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
