tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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