cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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