Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
