I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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