You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize