im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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