just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
