Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
