i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
