Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
