we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
