god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
