pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I died a long time ago.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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