So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
