Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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