Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
