I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
