Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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