Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
