Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
