You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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